Out of Control
by BennieWaffles
Summary: She's so crazy that her life has spun out of control. The only person to restore balance in her own little world was Jace. AU. OOC. Rated T. Oneshot. Warning: Dark content (suicide, craziness, etc.)


**Out of Control**

 **Summary:  
She's so crazy that her life has spun out of control. The only person to restore balance in her own little world was Jace. AU. OOC. Rated M. Oneshot.**

 **A/N:  
I only feel like writing oneshots lately, because then I don't have to update frequently.  
Guilty of laziness.**

…

…

…

''No! _No!_ Let me go, I'm fine—Jace! _Jace!_ ''

''She's gone mad! Restrain her!''

''No! Where's Jace?! _Jace!_ ''

''Who is this Jace guy?''

She was going wild.

Where was he?

She couldn't see him.

She needed to see him.

He needed to be okay.

Was he okay?

She didn't know.

''Let me go! _Where is he?!_ ''

She couldn't see him.

She only saw lights—too bright lights.

There were people everywhere, their worried looks haunting her mind.

Why where they worried?

She didn't know that, either.

''Give me that, we need to put her down!''

She felt a sting in her neck.

She felt a prickle run over her skin, raising the little hairs all over her body.

Then she felt the darkness.

…

…

…

There he was.

He was just sitting there, in the chair.

But there was something wrong.

He was crying.

…

…

…

''Where is Jace?''

She wasn't going to speak until she knew where he was.

They were asking questions, but she wasn't answering.

''Clary, you have to tell me. Why did you freak out yesterday?''

She remained silent.

''Clary, were not letting you see Jace until you answer me.''

Almost immediately her mouth opened.

''Where is he? Is he okay?''

''Why do you want to know, Clary?''

She remained silent.

''Clary?''

''I—I… I had a dream. A bad dream.''

She was shaking now, thinking back to the dream.

''Now answer me, where is Jace? Is he okay? Is he hurt?''

She needed to know.

What if they did get to him?

What if they tore at his skin, like she saw?

What if he was now screaming and crying for her to help him, while she was stuck here?

''I need to get out, I need to help him, he's hurt.''

She stood up in a flash, but jumped as the chain around her wrist rattled as it was jerked back.

''Let me go, he's hurt.''

He's hurt.

''He's hurt!''

She jerked against the chains.

''He's hurt—Jace!''

Jace!

Jace!

…

…

…

Everything hurt.

Why did everything hurt?

She shot up from where she had been lying down, regretting is as a sharp pain shot through her head.

''Where is Jace?''

That's the first thing she said.

''I'm here, babe.''

She opened her eyes, regretting that as well.

The sharp lights met her eyes.

She cried out in pain.

''Dim the lights.''

She recognized his silky voice anywhere.

He didn't sound hurt, or tortured.

He sounded fine.

The sharp white light was dimmed, and now it was dark.

Except for him.

''Jace.''

Her voice was cracking, her throat dry.

It hurt to talk.

But she needed to know for sure that he was okay.

''J-Jace…''

His worried golden eyes met hers, and suddenly all of her problems dissolved.

She jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him to her as tight as possible.

''You're okay.''

The tears filled her eyes.

''T-they had you, they were hurting you…''

''Hush, baby, I'm okay. They didn't get me.''

''Will they get you, though?''

''No babe, they never will.''

…

…

…

The sun was shining through the window in her own personal room.

She was waiting for him.

The clock in her room said that it was 09:12.

Visiting hours began at 09:30.

She couldn't wait till she saw him again.

After her little scene with the nightmare, things had been getting better again.

There were no more nightmares.

Jace was fine.

…

…

…

09:26

She was shaking with excitement.

She couldn't wait.

He always walked in at exactly 09:30.

Because he couldn't wait to see her either.

…

…

…

09:30

He could walk in any moment now.

He would be smiling, like he always did.

…

…

…

09:32

That's fine, maybe traffic was just bad this morning.

He would still show up.

He would still smile.

…

…

…

09:37

Now she was worried.

Maybe she shouldn't be?

No, she shouldn't be.

He was just a little later than usual.

No big deal.

…

…

…

09:56

Where was he?

He wasn't here.

…

…

10:08

Jace?

 _Where are you?_

…

…

10:49

Jace?

Was he okay?

…

…

10:59

''Patient out of control in room 13! We need backup!''

…

…

''Jace! Jace! Where are you?!''

''Clarissa, calm down!''

''JACE!''

''Clarissa, we need you to calm down!''

…

…

…

It was dark.

Then there was a light.

This was always how her nightmares began.

Did they have him?

But this time, she didn't see them.

She didn't see the demons.

Instead, she saw Jace.

He was in bed with another woman.

He was kissing her.

He broke the kiss.

Maybe she kissed him?

Maybe he didn't cheat?

''Babe, I gotta go. It's almost visiting hours. I gotta be there on time.''

''Can't you just skip this time? Give her an excuse next week…''

''Ivy… I can't.''

''My name is _Amy!_ ''

…

…

…

09:30

He walked in.

''Hey babe!''

Her eyes were red.

She had been crying all week.

She had multiple breakdowns.

''Jace?''

''Yeah, babe?''

''Why?''

Then it was silent.

He sat down in the chair next to her bed, a fake confused expression resting on his features.

''W-What are you talking about, Clary?''

''Was she prettier than me?''

Her voice was breaking, tears flooded her eyes, leaking down her cheeks.

''Clary, what are you talking about?''

She sobbed.

''You know what I'm talking about, don't you?''

He remained silent.

''Please don't lie to me, Jace. Why did you cheat on me?''

His eyes met hers.

His eyes were angry.

''Because I can't do this anymore!''

Her mouth fell open, tears running down her cheeks in a steady stream.

''You're insane! You're absolutely insane! I can't take it anymore! Every single night I get a call, saying you've _lost it again!_ When does it stop?!''

She was silent.

Tears still leaked out of her eyes.

She wondered if the tear tracks would be permanent.

''Ever since you moved in with your dad— _years ago—_ you changed!''

Her hands covered her face.

She couldn't handle his angry face.

His mocking eyes.

''I have been stuck with _you_ —a crazy person—for years!''

'' _No_ …''

Her voice was barely audible, her throat dry.

''I'm done, Clary.''

'' _No!''_

The door of her own personal room slammed shut.

Jace?

Where was he?

Was he okay?

…

…

…

She wasn't making a noise.

She knew how it went.

She would have a breakdown, they would put her to sleep.

And the day would start again.

Her fingers were bloodied.

Her nails were torn off to stumps.

Her fingers were still clawing at the little hooks that were hooked together so that they made a steady place where her mattress could rest on.

Her bloodied fingers pulled one of the hooks loose.

Her bloodied hands brought the hook to her left wrist.

Her bloodied fingers presses the sharp hook down into her skin, purposefully breaking it.

Her torn and bloodied fingers dragged the hook across her wrist, vertically.

More difficult to stitch up, that way.

With her left bloodied hand she grabbed the hook.

With her left bloodied fingers, she pressed the hook into her right wrist.

And dragged it vertically.

With her bleeding wrists, she lay in bed.

Waiting for the darkness to embrace her.

Waiting till she saw Jace again.

In her dreams.

In her good dreams.

Where she would never have nightmares again.

…

…

…

Fin.

 **A/N:**

 **Okay.  
This is depressing.  
Whooops.  
I'm not gonna write Jace's reaction to this.  
Well, I might.  
Dunno yet.**

 **Peace out.**

 **Whale on.**

 **Review? Maybe? Please.**


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